The Space Wanderers
Announcer: On March 12, 2021, the captain and crew of the U.S.S. Cytron embarked on a routine starbase transport mission. But, as luck would have it, an asteroid struck the ship, sending then spinning out of control. Now, everyday is a constant struggle for survival for those aboard the Cytron for fate has made them ... (Echo.) THE SPACE WANDERERS.
(Lights on. Captain Max Spellman and first officer Frank Watson are on the surface of an alien planet. They are searching for food or water.)
Watson: (Hysterical and dramatic.) Captain, this planet is no different than the others. No food or water! How long can we go on?!? We're all going to die a slow, painful death on some horrible alien planet! (Captain slaps him.) Thanks.
Captain: Calm down, Watson. We've survived before and we'll keep on surviving. (Dramatic pause.) We have to! (Just then he notices a pizza box.) Watson, come quickly, I need you.
Watson: (Rushes over.) What is it, Captain?
Captain: Watson, we may not be alone on this planet.
(Just then two aliens walk out with really, really big heads. They appear to be really confident and domineering.)
Alien1: That's right earthling, you are NOT alone. You are on Dinusia and we are ... THE DINUSIANS!
Watson: (Quietly to the captain.) Captain, those are hideous alien beings!!! (Getting louder and more hysterical.) We're doomed! We'll never escape!!! We're all going to die a slow, painful death ... (Captain slaps him.) Thanks.
Captain: (Whispers to Watson.) Don't worry, I'll handle this. (To aliens.) We come in peace. We are not carrying any weapons. We are looking for supplies for our ship. Will you help us?
Alien2: How dare you make demands of us! Do you know who you are speaking to? Tell him, Glork.
Alien1: WE are a the last of a race of being that are far superior to you puny earthlings. Gaze upon our enormous, Dinusian heads. They make your puny Earthling heads look like little grapes.
Alien2: That's right. WE have strange mental powers that would make you shudder with fear. Give them an example, Glork.
Alien1: All right. By merely using the power of our monstrous Dinusian heads, we can make ourselves invisible to your crude human eyes. See? (Nothing happens.) Where am I now, earthling?
Alien2: (Picks up a rock.) Yes, and look on in horror as this rock seems to float through the air.
Watson: But, we can still see you.
Alien2: Silence! We will not listen to your foolish mumblings! Our heads are much larger than yours so you will become our slaves.
Captain: With all respect to your heads, we'd rather not be your slaves.
Alien1: Well, you won't have much choice once you feel the pain of the Dinusian Death Grip. (They lunge at the captain and Watson and grab their shoulders.) Now, you trembling earth people, what do you have to say?
Watson: I don't feel anything.
Captain: Actually, it's kind of soothing. Could you move a little to the left?
Alien2: Silence!!! We'll use the real Death Grip later. Right now we're taking you back to our laboratory.
Watson: Well we're not going!
Alien1: Don't force us to use superior intellect on you. We could easily outsmart you with our huge, bulbous heads.
Captain: Hey, is that an ostrich? (He points behind them.)
Alien1&2: Where? (They turn around.)
(Captain and Watson run to the other side of the stage.)
Alien2: (Quietly to Alien1.) You idiot! Why did you fall for that stupid trick?
Alien1: Well, I've never seen an ostrich. And, besides, you fell for it, too. (Regaining composure.) Well, you pitiful humans, you think you have defeated us. But we will have the last laugh.
Alien2: That's right! We are SUPERIOR beings! Look at the size of our HEADS!
Captain: Well, we're going to contact our ship and get out of here! (He pulls out a communicator of sorts.) Hello. This is the captain. We need some help out here.
Alien1: Ha! We have disabled your communication units by simply using the powerful Dinusian minds in our gigantic heads.
Alien2: That's right! Talk all you want; there's no way your crew will hear your cry for help.
(Two more crew members appear.)
Crew1: Hi, captain. We heard your cry for help. We came right away.
Alien1: Silence!! Now, we will have more slaves. All of you are coming with us.
Crew2: We're not going anywhere with you, Mr. Potatohead. (He pulls out a laser pistol.)
Alien2: Ha! You think you can hurt us with your puny, Earth weapons.
Alien1: Ha! We can create an impenetrable shield around us with our vast mental power. Go ahead. Try your weapon. (Crew2 fires the laser.) Ow!!! Oh, that hurt. (He holds his side.)
Alien2: (Looks nervous. Goes over to help Alien1.) All right, that's enough. Why don't you just leave us alone?
Alien1: (Really wimpy voice.) Yeah. We didn't hurt you. Just go away and leave us alone. (The crew turns to leave.) Go on, get. And take your puny human heads with you.
Announcer: And so ends another shocking space adventure! Tune in next week when the ship crash lands on the terrifying planet of Snuggles, the fabric softener bear. Until then, so long from ... (Echo.) THE SPACE WANDERERS.