Tina: Mom! Mom!
Mom1: What is it, Tina?
Tina: Gary's leaving! Gary's leaving!
Mom1: Are you serious?
Tina: Yes! Yes! What will we do? What will we do?
Mom1: Well, why don't you stop repeating everything you say?!
Tina: OK. OK. (Catches herself.) But Gary's leaving!
Mom1: I'll take care of it ... you run along and play (Tina starts to run away) ... and try not to eat anything poisonous!
Tina: Awwww ... no more mushrooms?
Mom1: No! (Tina leaves. Mom sees Gary at the other side of the stage.) Gary! Gary! Don't leave! Things will be different.
Gary: Mom, I mean Mrs. Simmons, I have to leave. Nothing ever changes around here!
Mom1: That's not true. In fact, I'll change if it will mean that you'll stay. (She runs off and changes.)
Gary: (To audience.) I'd like to stay. I really would. But I've got this feeling deep down inside that it's time to move on. I don't know ... maybe it's just indigestion.
Mom2: (A new mom.) Gary!
Gary: Who are you?!
Mom2: It's your mother, I mean Mrs. Simmons. And I've changed. Now will you stay?
Gary: Well, I just don't know.
Mom2: (Sobbing.) Gary. Oh, Gary. What do you want from me?
Gary: Well, uh ... Money! I want money! Everyone else has money. All I've got is the shirt on my back. (Gary turns round and has another shirt stuck on his back.)
Mom2: Oh Gary, what would you do with this ... this money?
Gary: Well, to start with, I'd buy me some real friends.
Mom2: What's wrong with the friends that your Father and I bought you? (Spotlight shows two guys sitting in chairs at the other side of the stage.)
Friend1: Hey, Gar.
Frined2: How's it goin'?
Gary: (Spot returns to Gary and Mom.) They're fine friends, Mom ... I mean Mrs. Simmons ... but, sometimes, a guy likes to buy his own friends. That's why I have to leave.
Mom2: So I guess you've made up your mind.
Gary: (Rapidly.) Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. I've made up my mind.
Mom2: But where will you go?
Gary: It's hard to say.
Mom2: Well, give it a try.
Gary: Des ... Des Moin-es ...
Mom2: Des Moines.
Gary: That's it! I've always had trouble with that.
Mom2: But, Gary, what about your sister?
Gary: Oh, I don't think she has any trouble saying Des ... Des Moin-es. Just make sure you keep her away from those mushrooms.
Mom2: That's gonna be hard to do without you around. You're sister really looks up to you. You're like the brother she never had.
Gary: I am the brother she never had.
Mom2: Oh, yeah.
Tina: (Runs in screaming.) Gary! Gary! Don't leave! Don't leave!
Mom2: Tina! What did I tell you about repeating everything?!
Tina: Sorry. Sorr ... I just got excited. Gary, do you have to leave?
Gary: (Looks at watch.) Yep. I'm afraid it's time for me to go. (Tina starts to cry. Gary tries to comfort her.) But you can have my old friends. (Spotlight moves to friends.)
Friend1: Hey, Tina.
Friend2: How's it goin'?
Gary: (Tina is still sad.) Come on now, let's see a smile. (She hands him a giant picture of a smile.) That's better. Well, good-bye everybody.
Tina: Good-bye, Gary. You've been like the brother I never had.
Gary: I AM the brother you never had!
Mom2: Good-bye, Gary. Don't forget to write ... and shower ... and eat ... (Gary jumps off the stage and starts to walk out past the audience.) That reminds me. You didn't eat any poisonous mushrooms, did you Tina?
Tina: No, but I am kind of hungry. What's for dinner?
Mom2: Well, we're having chicken ... and Stove Top Stuffing.
Gary: (About half way out of the theater.) STOVE TOP STUFFING? I'M STAYING!!! (He runs back and jumps on stage.)
Tina: Hooray! Hooray! Gary's staying! Gary's staying!
Mom2: (Angry at her for repeating herself.) Tina!
(Lights out. Immediately.)