(Roy is sitting at a table. Ellen comes rushing in.)

Roy: Oh, I'm so glad to see you. We desperately needed to get together and talk about this ... this conflict between us.

Ellen: But, why, Roy?

Roy: Oh, stop pretending Helen.

Ellen: That's Ellen.

Roy: Oh, stop pretending Ellen.

Ellen: What's the matter, Roy?

Roy: Look at me. Look at you. Look at us. (To audience.) Look at them. Somewhere something went wrong. When I look at you now, I realize you're not the girl I married.

Ellen: That's because we aren't married yet, Roy.

Roy: Stop trying to change the subject, Ellen. Surely, YOU can see that it's not working.

Ellen: What's not working? I don't know what you're talking about, Roy, I ... (Ellen starts sobbing intensely) ...Oh, you're right, Roy. What happened, Roy, what happened? Do you remember our first date?

Roy: Do I?! I remember it as if I were there. I picked you up at around...(Roy rubs his chin. A younger Roy walks onstage from the right. The current Roy and Ellen turn to watch.)

Roy2: (Continuing Roy's last statement without pausing. Looking at watch.) ... 8:00. Right on time.

Roy: Your parents fell in love with me immediately. (Roy2 knocks on door.)

Father: (Yelling.) Get out of here, you bum! (Roy knocks again. Father comes to the door.) I told you to get out! You're not coming near my daughter.

Roy: Luckily, I was prepared.

Roy2: (To father.) But Mr. Wempleton, I brought you some tennis balls.

Father: (Pause.) Well, OK. I'll get Helen.

Roy2: That's Ellen.

Father: Well, OK. I'll get Ellen.

(Father gets Ellen.)

Roy: When you came out, I was cool and knew exactly what to say.

Roy2: Ellen! What are you doing here?

Ellen2: If WE are going to go out on a date, then I should probably be present, right?

Roy: You were always so logical.

Roy2: Oh, yeah. I guess you should come along. My mo-ped is this way. (Roy2 and Ellen2 exit to the right. Spotlight is back on table.)

Ellen: I had a great time that night. Who knew that chopping wood could be so fun?

Roy: I knew. Anyway, when the date was over, there was that awkward moment on...(Roy2 and Ellen2 are back on stage.)

Roy2: (Continuing Roy's statement.) Your front porch. It's beautiful, Ellen.

Ellen2: Thanks, I made it myself.

Roy2: I had a great time, Ellen.

Ellen2: So did I, and I've got the splinters to prove it. (They both laugh.)

Roy: I know it was our first date, but, as I stood there, I wanted so badly to shake your hand.

Roy2: (Roy2 makes motions like he can't bring himself to shake her hand.) Well, goodbye.

Ellen2: (Disappointed.) Goodbye.

(Roy2 turns and takes two steps. Then he whirls around and runs toward Ellen2. They lock hands and engage in a clumsy first handshake. The spotlight returns to the table. Roy starts to talk as Roy2 runs off to the right and Ellen2 goes back into the house.)

Roy: I was so excited. I still haven't washed my hand. (Holds up real dirty hand.) I thought we were meant for each other, but now I'm not so sure. (Roy starts to get up.) Maybe we should just go our separate ways.

Ellen: Wait a minute, Roy. Don't I get a flashback?

Roy: Well, all right. (He sits down.)

Ellen: OK ... uh ...Oh! I know. Remember the night that you took me to...

(Roy2 and Ellen2 are seated at a table.)

Ellen2: (Continuing the statement.) Willie's House of Dip?

Roy2: Yep. Fourty-two different dips and all the chips you can eat.

Ellen2: It sounds great, but when do we get our food? Those people over there (points to Roy and Ellen) came in after us and they've got theirs.

Roy2: Here's Willie, now.

(Willie brings out a bowl of chips and a bowl of dip.)

Ellen: You ate like a pig, but I could tell that you didn't ask me out so I could try the watermelon and mushroom dip.

Ellen2: Is there something on your mind, Roy?

Roy2: Well, I uh ... I just wanted to ask you something.

Ellen2: OK.

Roy2: Would you were my ring?

Ellen: At that point, I nearly perspired.

Ellen2: Of course I'll wear it.

Roy2: Really? Cool. (Roy takes off the ring and drops it in the dip.) Oops! It's covered in dip.

Ellen2: I don't mind. (Roy puts the ring on her finger.)

Ellen: By now, we were much more intimate and we could express our love with more than a simple handshake.

(Roy2 and Ellen2 lock hands in a long, passionate handshake. Spotlight goes back to Roy and Ellen.)

Roy: That seems like only yesterday.

Ellen: That's because it WAS yesterday.

Roy: Yesterday? You mean yesterday we were in love and today this conflict is tearing us apart? What could have happened?

Ellen: Well, we've both gotten a little older and a little wiser, Roy.

Roy: Well, what should we do now?

Ellen: I think maybe we should see a counselor.

Roy: You're right. (A counselor walks from one side to the other.) Hey, there's Dr. Schtick and he's a counselor. Do you see him?

Ellen: Duh! Of course I see him.

Roy: Don't you know what this means?! We've seen a counselor.

Ellen: You're right! I feel better already.

Roy: So do I! I think our relationship has been saved! (He stands up.)

Ellen: (Standing up.) Oh, Roy! I love you!

Roy: And I love you too, Helen!

Ellen: That's Ellen.

Roy: And I love you too, Ellen!

(They shake hands and the lights go off.)