Those Wacky Dugermans
Episode 4: The Dugermans Go Camping
(George is sitting in the center of the stage. Gene enters from the left screaming and then leaves on the right. Then he reappears on the right and runs to George.)
Gene: Dad! Dad! Dad!
George: What is it, Geeeeeeeeeene?
Gene: Dad, I've felt the call of the wild.
George: (Nervously.) Well, maybe you should discuss it with your mother.
Gene: Geeeeeeeeeeee, Dad, what I mean is that I want to go camping.
George: (As if he didn't hear right.) Camping?
George: (As if he is suprised.) Camping?
Gene: (Annoyed.) Yeah.
George: (Excited.) Camping!
Gene: (Excited.) Yeah!!
George: I think it's a greaaaaaaat idea. But do you think the whole family should go?
Gene: Geeeeeeee, Dad, the whole Cosby family went camping. Well, everyone except Sonya.
George: Well, OK, where's your sister?
Gene: She's dying her hair to match her socks again. I'll go get her. (Runs off.) (Eileeen walks in. She's dusting things.)
George: Honey, I've been thinking.
Eileeen: Well, good for you, dear. It wasn't that hard, was it?
George: No, And I think the Dugermans should go ... camping.
Eileeen: (Drops the duster.) Camping? Are you out of your mind?
George: (Answering both questions.) Yes.
Eileeen: But whyyyyyyyyyyyyy?
George: Well, Gene wants to gooooooo and I think it would be a fun family outing.
Eileeen: But what about Jean?
George: I toooooold you, he wants to go?
Eileeen: No, not Gene, Jean!
George: Oh, you mean Jeeeeeeean!
(Gene and Jean walk in.)
Jean: Hey, Dad! Hey, Mom!
George/Eileeen: Hey, kids!
Jean: Hey, Dad, what's the deal?
George: Buy one get one freeeeeeeeee. (Kids laugh TOO loud and TOO long.)
Jean: That's a good one, Dad. But Jean says that we might be in for another family outing.
George: That's right, Jean. The Dugermans are going camping.
George: That's right, Jean, The Dugermans are going camping.
Jean: But camping is groooooooss. And I'm a girl.
Gene: Jean, camping is Just like being at home but instead of a bed, you sleep on the ground. And instead of a bathroom, you've got bushes.
George: That's right, Gene. Now, Jean, what do you saaaaaaay?
Jean: I say all kind of things.
Eileeen: That's true, Jean, but will you go with us?
Jean: I don't know.
George: Why don't you flip a coin to see if you'll gooooooooo?
Jean: Well, OOOOOOOOOOOK.
Gene: I've got a coin. Call it in the air, Jean. (Tosses coin.)
Gene: (Catches coin.) Nope, it's a nickel. You have to go camping.
Jean: Aw, Dad, do I have toooooooo?
George: Well, we all have to play by the ruuuuuuuuules. Gene, go get the camping stuff.
Gene: Where is the camping stuff?
George: It should be down in the basement between the beach stuff and the barbecue stuff.
Gene: Right! (Runs off.)
George: I'll go get the beeeeeeeeeeeeeef jerky. This is gonna be great!
Jean: Mom, I don't really want to go camping.
Eileeen: Hey, who does?
Jean: Well, there's Gene and Dad and the Boy Scouts and ...
Eileeen: OK, well, I guess there ARE some people who want to go camping. But I'm glad you've decided to come along with us. You're all right in my book.
Eileeen: Here's my book. See for yourself. (Pulls out a book and gives it to Jean.)
Jean: (After looking at the book.) Geeeeeee, Mom, the only things in this book are pictures of pro wrestlers.
Eileeen: Oh, I'm sorry. That's your father's book. Here's my book. (Hands her a different book.)
Jean: Wow! I guess I AM all right in your book. (Pause.) But I still don1t want to gooooooooooo.
Eileeen: I know. But we have to be nice to your father because he's kind of a dork.
Jean: Yeah, I guess you're right.
(George and Gene walk in.)
George: All right, Dugermans. Let's go camping. Head for the car. (All of the Dugermans run to the car.) Gene, throw the camping stuff in the back. (Gene tosses everything over his shoulder. It flies everywhere.)
Gene: Geeeeeeeeeeee, Dad. We're actually going camping. Somebody pinch me, I think I must be dreaming. (Jean pinches him.) Ouch!!! Hey, that hurt.
Jean: See, you're not dreaming. (Gene pinches her.) Ouch!!
Gene: You're not dreaming, eeeeeeeither, Jean! Ha Ha Ha! (She punches him in the stomach.)
Jean: Did you dream that, Gene?
Gene: Dream this! (They start fighting.)
Eileeen: Hey, kids, stop that riqht now. You could put someone's nose out.
Gene/Jean: Yes, mam.
George: All right, everybody, fasten your seatbelts. I'm about to throw this baby into reverse. (Pause.) And here we go. (All of the Dugermans bounce out of their seats at different times.)
Jean: Geeeeeee, Dad, that was some bump we ran over.
George: That was no bump. That was our cat, Fluffy. (Everyone looks at him in shock.) JUST KIDDING! (Everyone smiles and laughs.)
Eileeen: Wait a minute. If it wasn't Fluffy, then what was it? (Everyone Just sits there frozen.) Why won't you answer me?
George: Geeeeee, honey, (Looks at watch.) you said wait a minute.
Eileeen: Well, your time's up. What did we run over?
George: (Get's out of the car.) Oh, don't worry. It was just a big pile of broken glass, rusty nails, and used razor blades. (Pause.) Oh, nooooooooooo. It looks like we've got a flat tire.
Gene/Jean: Ooooooooooh, no!
George: Ooooooooooh, yes. I just wonder what caused it? (Scratches chin.) Well, I guess we'll just have to use the spaaaaaaaaaaaaare.
Eileeen: Honey, I've got some bad news. The Salvation Army came by the other day.
George: Oh, no, that's terrible.
Eileeen: Noooooooo, the bad news is that I gave our spare tire to those less fortunate than us.
Gene: Oh, no. Now we can't go camping! (Puts his head down.)
Jean: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah! I mean, awwwwwwwwwwwwww.
George: Don't worry kids. (Pause.) We can set the tent up in the living room.
Gene/Jean/Eileeen: Really? (They all say it in a different tone.)
George: Yep. And we can stay up all night eating twinkles and playing with the Nintendo.
Gene/Jean: Hooray! (They run offstage.)
George: Come on, honey, the Duuuuuuugermans are going camping. (They start to walk offstage.)
Eileeen: Somebody pinch me, I must be dreaming. (Offstage.) Ouch!!!!
Probably not THE END